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I don't know why I feel so sad. Sometimes I really feel like I'm acting. So fake. I asked myself why. Sometimes I just wanna pretend so that people around me will smile cos of my actions and I would not want them to worry about me. I don't really like it when people call me emo or what. I think sometimes when I'm sad, and I pretend to be happy and faking my laugh or smile. And this person suddenly says lend me the shoulder or tell me it's okay, be myself or what, i think i might breakdown on the spot right away. I think I'm closing up. It's futile telling people how you feels actually. In fact, perhaps it's human, that they always put themselves first. I tried putting some people as my priority before but it just makes me give up when I know it doesn't apply to them, how sad. I just feel so sad about life now I don't know why. Maybe it's good to not feel anything. I think i gotta control. Really, control. If not things might go out of hand. I need to do something before things go out of hand. I tried. I really tried. I stepped of the that particular comfort zone, for the first time. I don't know whether i should regret or not. When it's ongoing, i enjoy the process a lot. Really a lot. It's just so easy to. However when it stopped, i find that it should not happen at all. It just makes me feel that I'm standing there all along. I gotta know, maybe I already know, that that will never happen. It's impossible. But i don't know why despite that, i'm still hoping for it. It's been so long. I try so hard, yet it doesn't pay off. Outcome isn't the same. Perhaps this is exceptional. Guess so. Know it. Knew. But still.
Sent from my Nokia phone